Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
