OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I came so hard my ears popped.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
