I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
