I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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