Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
