i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
