She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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