I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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