I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
