my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
