I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
