if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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