forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
