I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
