i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
