if you like me you must not know who I am
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
