Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
