Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
