SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
