I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
