I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
