I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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