I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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