It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
