Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
