I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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