Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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