I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
