According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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