My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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