I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
