we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize