grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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