Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
