we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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