i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
