my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
