You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What changed your mind?
Being sober
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
