The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
