I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
