so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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