I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
