I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
