dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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