I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had sex on a roof
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
