did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
