While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ketchup is God's man juice
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
