The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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