The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
