If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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